12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
