Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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