the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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