its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
