I wish I could teleport
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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