remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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