Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize