and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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