I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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