i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
