He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
