I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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