marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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