It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
