i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
