I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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