is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
