it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
