It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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