Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize