Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
