I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
