I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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