I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
