forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
