Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
