my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize