Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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