He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
