you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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