Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
