and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
