Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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