i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
