Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
