i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
