you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
