and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
