i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
