i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
