The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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