White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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