when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
