how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
