So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think my moral compass just broke
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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