u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
