i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
