Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize