Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
