if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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