it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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