I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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