I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
