took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
