Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
