How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize