I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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