PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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