Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
