using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
