Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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