Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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