I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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