i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
