im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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