the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
