rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize