Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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