16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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