im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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