Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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