Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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