She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize