I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
