I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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