You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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