The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
