hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
