never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
