How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
