On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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