I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
