Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When are your genitals available?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
