i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
