Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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