I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
