Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
