ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There was a lot of him and a little penis
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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