listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
