we have pet lesbian snakes
My friends, they love my intelligence
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
