Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
