Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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