Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
