Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
