I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize