jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
