rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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