that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
