I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize