ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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