you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
